


A Worthy Spouse

by AkashaTheKitty



Series: Death by Quill 2018 [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Co-workers, F/M, Humor, Ministry of Magic, Post-Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 04:56:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14709479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkashaTheKitty/pseuds/AkashaTheKitty
Summary: Draco Malfoy and Cormac McLaggen both suddenly realise that Hermione Granger would be the perfect spouse for them. But what does she think?





	A Worthy Spouse

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [TheSlytherinCabal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSlytherinCabal/pseuds/TheSlytherinCabal) in the [DBQ2018Round2](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/DBQ2018Round2) collection. 



> Prompt was Confundo with Draco Malfoy and Cormac McLaggen, maximum word count 3500.
> 
> I want to thank my beta, torigingerfox, for her patience and support.

 

 

"... and then I told him that if he wanted to tangle with me, he could be my guest. I'm not only a proud McLaggen, my mother is an Ogden and we've practically run this building for the past 150 years. Of course, he claimed he didn't care, so I put in an owl with my close personal friend the Minister himself. Kingsley, I wrote. You're not going to _believe_ what this chap is running around saying. Within the week, no, I think it was only two days--"

 

Draco pressed two fingers against his throbbing temple. If there was one thing Cormac McLaggen did not know how to do it was _shut up_.

 

"So did you get it done?" he rudely interrupted. "Do you have the parchments ready to sign?"

 

Cormac blinked. "Not exactly. You wouldn't believe the incompetence of some people."

 

"I believe I would. You know that Granger will have us for breakfast if we don't get this to her in a timely fashion, right?"

 

An unsettling smile spread across Cormac's features. "Granger. Now there's an elected official I could get behind, if you know what I mean."

 

Draco pulled a face, both at the vulgarity and the mental image. "Please keep your perverse inclinations to your spare time."

 

"Oh, don't tell me you've never thought about it? She's sharp as a whip--"

 

"Her tongue certainly is."

 

"--ambitious, well-connected, well-funded, and easy on the eyes."

 

"I don't think Granger has ever been easy on any part of me."

 

"I have half a mind to make her the future Mrs McLaggen."

 

"Does _she_ know that?"

 

"She will soon enough." Cormac grinned. "There's not a better witch to be found in all of Europe for the ambitious wizard."

 

That gave Draco pause. "I'm sure there are plenty of well-bred--"

 

Cormac waved him away. "Certainly there are ones with better bloodlines, or more money. But to find everything needed to expand one of the most powerful lines in one witch?" He shook his head, whistling. "Not going to happen, mate."

 

"You're exaggerating."

 

"My mum has been consulting with marriage facilitators for a few years now. Granger's name always comes up at the top of the list."

 

"Really?" Draco put down his quill and leant back in his chair. "That's interesting."

 

"Don't you get any ideas."

 

Draco held up his hands. "Of course not."

 

Cormac eyed him with suspicion but then he grinned again. "What am I even thinking? She hates your guts. You're everything she despises. I, on the other hand..." He polished his nails on his elegant black robes. "I already swept her off her feet once. _She_ asked _me_ out, you know. Back then I wasn't ready to commit but now..."

 

Draco let Cormac yammer on. He was deep in his own ambitious thoughts.

 

***

Hermione Granger opened the door from the outer office to her private one, blinked, stepped back to check the name on the door, and then simply just stared.

 

"Penelope?" she called. "Did anything, uh, happen?"

 

Her assistant took a peek in the door. "Oh, my!" she exclaimed. "I did accept a flower delivery, but I hadn't realised it was quite so..."

 

"Overwhelming?" Hermione sighed and shook her head. Someone had definitely gone overboard. Her office was literally filled to the brim with bouquets of magically perfected red roses. The scent was cloying. "Do we know who sent them?"

 

"Ah, I see you received my little token of appreciation!" A swaggering Cormac entered.

 

Hermione bit back a sigh and put on a tight smile. "Your work, McLaggen?"

 

"Of course! Who else do you know who would come up with such a perfectly beautiful and romantic gesture?"

 

"Um, no one," she answered truthfully. "And what is the meaning of... said gesture?"

 

He grinned at her and made a flourish, a box of obscenely expensive chocolates appearing in his hands. "Sweets for my sweet," he said, winking at her as he handed it over.

 

Hermione was feeling her gag reflex set in, but she kept smiling. "How... sweet."

 

"So about our date," Cormac continued, not even noting her lacklustre response.

 

"Our date?" Hermione felt her eyebrows had gone up. "I can assure you that no such--"

 

"By Merlin's ingrown toenails!" Draco had entered the outer office and was peering into the sea of roses. "What are you trying to do, McLaggen? Smother her with petals? Because I could've come up with a dozen better methods..."

 

"Bog off, Malfoy."

 

"Books would have been better. She'd even have died happy."

 

Cormac snorted. "Nobody knows what women want better than I do. I am a verifiable expert. Why, just last month I..."

 

" _Confundo._ " The word was barely more than a whisper behind a hand, assisted by the wave of a wand.

 

Cormac suddenly stopped talking, losing his thread.

 

"McLaggen?" Hermione prompted, legitimately concerned. She'd never seen him run out of words in the middle of a brag before.

 

"Yes?" he answered blankly.

 

"You were going back to your office to work on your proposal now," Draco said.

 

"Yes. Yes, I was. If you'll excuse me..." Cormac left the office.

 

Draco attempted to look innocent, but after a solid minute of her unamused glare, he cracked and started laughing.

 

"Oh, come on! He deserved it."

 

"We're on ministry grounds, _Mister_ Malfoy. There's no time for your childish pranks here."

 

"Oh, so you enjoyed that talk, did you? I can go fetch him right back for you if you wish. Maybe he'll treat you to a speech about his superior lovemaking."

 

Hermione couldn't help the grimace.

 

"Didn't think so," he continued. "You're far too clever for the likes of him. You won't fall for cheap gimmicks like roses and chocolate. You know to aim higher."

 

"Excuse me?"

 

"What?"

 

"Did you just call me... _clever_? Are you quite all right?" Once more Hermione felt acute concern.

 

Draco snorted. "Of course you're clever. Nobody can deny that. And it's quite amazing how some of these old geezers think they're dealing with simply another pretty witch, and then when you hand them their arses, they don't know what hit them."

 

" _Pretty_? Malfoy, what's going on?"

 

"It's the truth! But if you want me to deny reality..."

 

"Right. Speaking of denying reality, did you come in here because you had your proposal ready?"

 

"Eh, proposal..?"

 

"The one I asked you to bring yesterday and last week and the week before that, and three times last month..."

 

"Uh, no. No. That's not quite ready yet."

 

"Then hop to it! Time is money and all that."

 

As Draco scurried away, Hermione shook her head and then looked down at the chocolates in her hand. Good grief.

 

Her assistant delicately cleared her throat and Hermione sprung into action. "Get rid of the flowers. It's a pity to toss them all out though so... find someone who wants them. Maybe a bouquet for all your fellow assistants. And this..." She offered the chocolates. "Share this with your friends as well."

 

"You don't want any of it?"

 

"Merlin, no."

 

"I understand. Anything else?"

 

"Yes... release an office memo to be careful what you eat or drink today. It appears that at least two Ministry workers have fallen victim to love potion."

 

"I'm not sure--"

 

"How else are you going to explain this?"

 

"Right. Love potion."

 

***

"That was low!" Cormac growled several hours later.

 

Draco merely smirked. "I don't know what you're talking about."

 

"You! You used the Confundus Charm on me!"

 

"I would never! Why, on Ministry grounds too!" Draco didn't even bother to hide his grin.

 

"You will pay for that, Malfoy. Mark my words. You will pay! _Dearly_."

 

"Could you send the bill to the manor? I'll have my solicitors go over the charges and reimburse you as fit."

 

Cormac only sneered and then left. He'd received an owl that suggested Hermione wanted to meet him somewhere secluded for a romantic weekend getaway. He wasn't about to pass up that chance to get back at Draco. Sweet revenge would have to wait.

 

Draco checked his watch and then picked up a book from his desk.

 

 _Showtime_.

 

***

Hermione was browsing the bookshop. She wasn't looking for anything in particular, she just found the presence of books soothing.

 

She'd read that one... that one... this one... She grinned. This place couldn't keep up with her insatiable thirst for knowledge and stories to occupy her busy mind.

 

There were some new arrivals today, so she was perusing those when Malfoy entered. She didn't pay him much mind. They tended to acknowledge each other with a nod at the most.

 

So it was a surprise when he walked up to her.

 

"Granger," he said pleasantly enough.

 

"Malfoy." She really wished he'd leave her to her books.

 

"Anything good?" he asked.

 

She shrugged.

 

"I'm surprised to see you at these shelves. I thought you preferred old books."

 

"Even old books were new once."

 

He gave her a completely out of character friendly smile. "I suppose that's one way to look at it."

 

"So what are you doing here?"

 

He beamed.That was the question he'd been waiting for. "Ah, nothing much," he said casually. "I just found this old thing gathering dust in the back of my personal library, and I thought I'd see about finding it a better home. It didn't really fit my collection."

 

He flashed her the cover.

 

"Wait is that--?!"

 

He nodded sagely. "First edition."

 

Hermione grabbed it out of his hands. "I've been searching for this!"

 

He feigned surprise. "What a fortunate coincidence!"

 

"Yes..." She narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

 

"But on second thought, I don't think I'm ready to part with it yet." He took the book back from her.

 

"What? Why not?"

 

"It just occurred to me that I could get a lot more if it had the author's signature on it."

 

Hermione snorted. "She's 102 years old and hasn't interacted with fans in--"

 

"--40 years. Yes, I know. But it so happens that she's a family friend."

 

"Get out!"

 

He blinked and glanced at the door. "Did I somehow offend you?"

 

"You _really_ know her?"

 

"All my life." The beginnings of a smirk started to form on his face. "My family is in publishing too, you see. You want to meet her?"

 

"Yes!" she said before she could check herself. "I mean... what would it cost me? I'm warning you, I can't be bribed."

 

"Just the pleasure of your exquisite company."

 

Hermione frowned. "Yeah... that sounds plausible... On second thought--"

 

"There you are!" a voice boomed from the entrance at a cringing sound level.

 

Both Draco and Hermione looked up to see a heaving, red-faced Cormac glare in their direction.

 

Hermione's frown deepened. "Excuse me?"

 

"You!" Cormac held up a shaking finger pointing at Draco. "How very dare you!"

 

Hermione glanced at Draco. "What did you do?"

 

"I may have set up a wild goose chase for him so he wouldn't bother us... I mean, you. For someone so thick he actually managed to find us in an admirably short time. Now, as for that meeting. I was thinking a nice private dinner--"

 

Hermione gaped at Draco as Cormac raised his wand. "Turnabout is fair play, Malfoy. _Confundo._ "

 

Draco dropped the book he was holding, his eyes vacant.

 

"You were going on a _long_ holiday. Somewhere warm and very far away," Cormac growled.

 

"Now, really," Hermione tried to interject but fell silent when Cormac's wand pointed in her direction.

 

It wasn't like Draco hadn't brought it on himself.

 

Cormac was too angry to even bother to try and brag to her, so after he'd gone, she picked up the book, brushed it off, and went home. She'd give it back to Draco eventually.

 

Maybe.

 

***

"I had my hand on the Portkey before I came out of it. I have to admit, there was some power behind your spell."

 

Draco sat down on the stool next to Cormac at the bar. Cormac, somewhat vindicated now, merely looked smug. "Of course there was. My family is one of the oldest and most magically, as well as politically, powerful families to exist since the 1640s. Why, today we're only really comparable to--"

 

"I'm sorry I mentioned it!"

 

Cormac snorted. "You just can't handle the truth of how absolutely irresistible Granger finds me."

 

"Yeah? Is that why you have her hanging all over you right now? Oh wait, ah, sorry. That's not her. That's just the shadow of your ego."

 

"You should've seen the witch I had hanging over me last night. Nothing lacking there, if you know what I mean."

 

"Right."

 

"Oh, you don't believe me? Hold on, I have..." Cormac went fishing for a picture inside his robes. "Here you go."

 

He handed Draco a picture of a very well-endowed young witch in sexy designer robes.

 

"And you expect me to believe that?"

 

"Turn it around."

 

Draco flipped it and read the lengthy dedication, his brows rising with every few words. "... Damn."

 

"I know." Cormac sighed. "Such a worthy conquest. Give it here." He snapped the photo back.

 

"What do you need her for if you're so certain you'll have Granger?" Draco tried to grab it again. "I'm sure I could make my attentions worth her while."

 

Cormac held it out of his reach. "There is business and there is pleasure. _This_ is definitely pleasure."

 

"You really think Granger would stand for that?"

 

"Of course if we committed to each other, I'd hold off on the fun until we could make some arrangement. But she's a clever woman. I'm sure she can see sense."

 

"Right." Draco sat quiet for a moment and then he pursed his lips. "How about the loser gets that one as a consolation prize?" He pointed to the picture.

 

Cormac snorted. "As if you'd even know what to do with her."

 

"After you, I'm sure anyone would be an improvement."

 

"Now you're _never_ getting her."

 

"Of course not." Draco smirked. "I mean to win."

 

***

It was the black tie event of the year. Perhaps even of the decade. It was the 10th year anniversary for the end of the war. Reforms had been made, a broken society had been mended, Purebloods had been properly chastised and then soothed, a Boy Who Lived had become a Man Who Protected, and their very own Hermione Granger was running for Minister of Magic.

 

The Weasley was off pulling pranks or something. Neither Draco nor Cormac cared what had become of that particular third of the famous trio.

 

It would be social suicide not to go to this event.

 

So on the night of the event both Cormac and Draco approached the venue in their very finest.

 

Hermione had already been inside organising for hours. The witch really couldn't help herself.

 

"Looking dapper," Cormac greeted Draco, which was a warning sign in itself. Cormac _never_ took the time to acknowledge anyone else's efforts.

 

"Finest silk money can buy, sewn by the modiste Madame Capesoie. There's a nine month waiting list."

 

Cormac nodded mildly. "Naturally I had mine made in Italy. Three year waiting list."

 

"Naturally."

 

Draco shook his wand out of his sleeve the same second that Cormac drew his own.

 

" _Confundo._ "

 

***

" _Where have the two of you been?_ "

 

Cormac shook himself out of his daze, noting that it had now become dark, and instead of people streaming into the building in front of him, they were trickling out.

 

"Uh..." he said, glancing around to see that Draco was only just now clearing his head as well. "You see..."

 

"No, I don't want to hear it!" Hermione snapped. "I've had it with the two of you. You're completely useless. I can't count on you to do your work, so why I counted on either of you to help with the auction is beyond me."

 

"Now wait a minute!" Cormac tried again. "I can't help it if that stupid git bespells me, can I?"

 

"Oh, like I wasn't defending myself from you? Ugh, my head... Wait, we missed the whole thing?!"

 

"Every last bit of it!" Hermione growled. "And you know what? We were all better off for it."

 

"No, you weren't." Draco drew himself up. "I apologise that I wasn't able to put the power of the Malfoy fortune behind you in there, but I'll make sure to pay for an event as big as this--no, twice as big!--and let everyone know that if we were to join forces we'd be a force to be reckoned with. And then maybe eventually we could create a dynasty. Just imagine how much money we could earn together."

 

"Everything is really just what money can buy with you, isn't it?" Hermione hissed.

 

"Yeah, that's tacky, Malfoy," Cormac agreed. "I for one will use my considerable charms, abilities and contacts to bring her to the top. With _me_ she would eventually be the matriarch of the family that would rule all of Britain, maybe even parts of Europe!"

 

"Enough!"

 

Before either of the men could react they had been flung back into the active fountain and were getting an involuntary freezing midnight bath with water pouring down over their heads.

 

"Maybe that'll cool you both off," she smugly said. "Now let's get one thing straight here, boys. I would rather eat slugs than _ever_ go out with _either_ of you. One of you is deluded about his own importance and completely insufferable, the other one is manipulative and vain. Neither of you knows _anything_ about love. I'll be surprised if you're even capable of the emotion. So from now on you drop this act or Merlin help me I _will_ hex you to bits. And bring me that damn proposal on Monday!"

 

She stormed off.

 

Both Cormac and Draco remained seated a little longer, stunned.

 

"Well," Cormac then muttered. "I assume she doesn't mean marriage proposal."

 

"I told you she had a temper."

 

"Yeah, I don't think that'll do, actually. And what was I thinking to go for a woman with her ambition? I have enough ambition for the both of us. And funding isn't that difficult to find. No, I need a woman who can carry on the line and look good on my arm."

 

Draco nodded, water splashing around his ears. "And perhaps not soak our very expensive unique tailoring."

 

Cormac got to his feet and lent Draco a hand. "Come to think of it, I'd also like a woman who cares about what I have to say. I got the feeling that Granger never really listened to me, you know? I can't have a wife that self-absorbed."

 

Draco got up and ineffectually tried to wring water out of one of his sleeves. "I mean, this robe is completely ruined now. Just look at it!"

 

Cormac sagely nodded. "We deserve a drink. Perhaps a good Firewhisky."

 

"I have a 100-year-old original Ogden at home," Draco said, wresting his attention from his sagging robes.

 

"You offering?"

 

"No, of course not. You're a git."

 

Cormac laughed and patted Draco on the back with a splash. "Come on. You're buying."

 

 

 


End file.
